TEASER: Crystals of Silveria Abridged - Season 2, Episode 8

Just thought I’d share a snippet of the next ep of the questionably humorous Crystals Abridged.

Enjoy… enjoy… enjoy…

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Scene 1: Outside The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Morning

The Crystalbound, Kendall, Gazzo, Katalina and Tamamaki stand outside the tavern.

Zed: Eeny, meeny, miney, muddvak.

Bryn: Oh, for Brocc’s sake…

Gazzo: Hey Ginge, whatcha doooooooooin’?

Zed: I’m deciding which of these potions to drink, Gazzabella.

Mak: But… I only see one.

Zed: Oh, that makes the decision MUCH easier than I expected!

Brocc: Wait… Zed, don’t dr-

Zed: Ink Me Up, magical juice!

Zed uncorks the bottle and drinks the potion.

Zed: Wait… did you say something, Brocc?

Brocc: Last time you drank a suspicious blue liquid, your clothes disappeared.

Zed: Well, then that means there’s nothing left to disappear, so it’s perfectly safe, r-

Suddenly, a column of cyan light erupts from the ground surrounding Zed, and his clothes somehow flash onto his body.

Zed: RAYRER RAYRER! Wait… silly Zedward! These are YOUR clothes! Silly Zedfred, hahah-

The light suddenly returns to the ground, revealing that Zed is standing on a plain made of solid metal. The air is shrouded in a thick mist, but he is able to breathe normally.

Zed: Whoa, déjà vu…

Echo: Vu… Vu… Vu…

Zed examines his surroundings.

Zed: Hello? Who’s there?

Echo: Ere… ere… ere…

Zed: Nice to meet you, Air! I’m Zed!

Echo: I’m Zed… I’m Zed… I’m Zed…

Zed: Silly Air! Your name’s not Zed, it’s Air! Silly Steve, hahaha!

Echo: Haha… haha… haha…

Zed’s thoughts: Well, at least the locals are nice…

(beat)

Echo: Ice… Ice… Ice…

Zed: RAYRER RAYRER!

Echo #1: RAYRER… RAYRER… RAYRER…

Zed’s thoughts: Wait… why are THEY yelling rayr-

Echo #2: RAYRER… RAYRER… RAYRER…

Zed’s thoughts: Oh yeah… I’m not from this place, which makes ME the Rayrer… silly Rayrer, hahaha!

Echo #3: RAYRER… RAYRER… RAYR-

***
Opening Credits

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Okay, here’s a teaser of the next episode (I’m gonna use this as a one-stop hub for each sneak peek from here on out).

Enjoy, Steve!

***
Season 2, Episode 8 (SNEAK PEEK)

Scene 1: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

Zed walks through the plain alongside the girl.

Zed: This place is so… ooh, shiny!

Girl: That’s because it’s metal, Zeddy! Don’t you remember?

Zed: For the LAST time, this is my FIRST time in this place, Steve!

Girl: Jen.

Zed: I mean… I’m sure I wouldn’t EVER forget a place as ooh, shiny as THIS…

Jen: Uh, don’t you have amnesia?

Zed: And I’d DEFINITELY not forget you OR your name, Steve.

The girl suddenly stops walking, prompting Zed to also halt movement.

Girl: You really don’t remember visiting?

Zed: Correct.

Jen: Then… you may be a time-traveller.

Zed: Huh. That actually makes sense.

Jen: Then that means you and Laura have yet to be reacquainted, right?

Zed: Y-

Zed’s eyes widen.

Zed: I TOLD them she wasn’t made up!

Jen: Oopsie! Did I just spoil future events?

Zed: Uh-oh… I hope Erik doesn’t find out.

Erik’s voice: OH, FOR BROCC’S SAKE! … AKE… AKE… AKE…

Jen: Suddenly I have a craving for cake…

Zed: Yeah, Erik can be sub… lim… inal…

Jen giggles.

Jen: I forgot how funny you are, Zeddy.

Zed: Wait, really?

Jen: Of course!

Zed: But… why would you spoil that? Didn’t you just hear Erik’s loud yelling?

Erik: THAT WASN’T A BROCCING SPOILER, ZANDER! … DUH… DUH… DUH…

Jen’s eyes widen.

Jen: Did that sound insulting to you?

Zed: Not really, no.

Jen sighs.

Jen’s thoughts: This is gonna be a looooong immeasurable length of time…

***
Opening Credits

***

Still working on the next ep, so here’s the next scene to tide you over (ah, the nostalgia of procrastination… ):

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Scene 2: Platinian Nature Trail: Late Afternoon

Emily leans sideways against the tree, her hands still bound to it. She sighs. Kendall seems to be doing some sort of rhythmic dance.

Emily: I worry about Makkmak. I hope he is not being mobbed by the paparazzi… considering what happened LAST time…

***
The scene jumps to redubbed footage from Star Fox 64.

Brocc (as Slippy): Oh no! We’re in the middle of the gobbo siege of that village, a Noodle Incident that was casually mentioned in the second episode of the REAL Crystals of Silveria!

Male Bryn (as Falco): Jeez Laweez! It’s a TOTAL mascara in this village!

Brocc (as Slippy): Dang it, Bryn! Why are you using Revali from Breath of the Wild as your VidChat avatar? We agreed NOT to use that feature to avoid viewer confusion!

Male Bryn (as Falco): I dunno… why are YOU using Frogger from… Frogger?

Brocc (as Slippy): Because the Krapp Store listed it as Ssrgeant Keroro! Anyway, I only bring it up ‘cos THOBRUN said not to, because “these space-jets are confusing enough as it is,” or some’it…

Thobrun (as Peppy): Hey! That sounds NUFFINK like me, Fart-Broccer!

Brocc (as Slippy): Dude, WHAT the ME?!

Thobrun (as Peppy): Look at me! I’m Link of the Past! Dun-dun-dun-DUUUUUUUUN!

Amethyst (as Katt): Mon amie, we must focus on the task at hand!

Kendall (as Bill): Rahreryh rih ry… (Amethyst is right…)

Thobrun (as Peppy): Yes, so shut the Brocc up and, like, so forth or whatever…

Bryn (as Falco): Wrong story, Einstein.

Brocc (as Slippy): Whoa, I was just looking at what’s trending on Chitter, and-

Bryn (as Falco): Are you SERIOUSLY looking at social media while driving?!

Brocc (as Slippy): -it’s madness! “Amethyst’s secret love affair with Silverian Wizard School teacher…”

Amethyst (as Katt): It is NOT a Wizar-

Brocc (as Slippy): “Former Crysslebound Mara runs off to elope with seahorse…”

Erik’s voice: LIES! SO MANY LIES!

Brocc (as Slippy): “The hottest new power couple, Bryn and Br… oh, that is GROSS!

Bryn (as Falco): Who the F{/#/static/#/}K is POSTING this trash?!

Kendall (as Bill): Ruh rahrs. (Your fans.)

Bryn (as Falco): WHAT?! Ew, ew, EW…

Brocc (as Slippy): WHY are ships coming out of the FANBASE?!

Emily (as R.O.B.): A counter-rumour must be planted among the fanbase.

Mak (as Fox): Jeez! Can anyone take care of it?

Suddenly, the Star Wolf theme begins as more ships approach.

“Wolf”: Can’t let you DO that, Star Blocks.

Brocc (as Slippy): Uh… come again?

“Leon”: He means “can’t let you use those stat blocks.

Brocc (as Slippy): Oh, right… TTRPG pun…

“Pigma”: Thoby! Long time, no see!

Thobrun (as Peppy): Oh, no… not YOU…

Brocc (as Slippy): Uh… Thobrun? The Brocc IS this pig?

“Pigma”: Hey!

Thobrun (as Peppy): You know how you rabbit on about that Sven character? That right there… that’s MY Sven.

Brocc (as Slippy): GASP… You have your own SVENALOGUE?!

Bryn (as Falco): Oh, come on! That’s just a ripoff of Greenie’s lame backstory!

Brocc (as Slippy): Hey! Shut up, Bryn! From this day forth, we are SWORN RIVALS!

Bryn (as Falco): Like, ‘kay or whatever…

Brocc (as Slippy): WRONG GAME, BRYN!

Bryn (as Falco): Mhm… whatever, honey.

Brocc (as Slippy): Heheh… silly Bryn… ooh, that Bryn… and also ooh, that Sven…

***
The scene jumps back to the present.

Emily: …and that’s how Brocc described the siege. Meanwhile, I was busy healing a quarter of the villagers, and thus was not present to observe what truly happened.

Kendall stops his dance and looks at Emily with sad eyes. He then becomes flustered and begins to dance again. Emily perks up slightly.

Emily: I mean… there’s no WAY Makkmak would be Chaotic Stupid enough to lure the goblins into the Town Hall, lay a ring of hexplosive charges around the perimeter, and get everyone clear enough to bl-

Brocc’s voice: Oh, no! Where IS everyone?!

Brocc is suddenly standing there.

Kendall: RAYRER RAYRER! (STRANGER DANGER!)

Kendall snaps free of the rope and immediately races into the trees.

EARLY BELATED APRIL FOOLS GIFT INKOMING!

***
Brocc: Wow… something musta REALLY spooked Kenny-boy…

Tamamaki’s voice: We meet again, Brocc.

Tamamaki is suddenly there, in a deep trance.

Brocc: RAYRER RAYRER! (“RAYRER RAYRER!”)

Brocc beacons away in a column of green light.

Emily: I can’t believe they both LEFT me tied to this tree…

Tamamaki: A rope once-bound is twice-broken once it is thrice-birched.

Emily: Ooh, that’s so wise, Tamatama-cute… hm… what does it mean, exactly?

(beat)

Tamamaki: …I don’t know.

Scene 3: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

Zed and Jen continue to walk through the plain.

Zed: This place seems to go on forever.

Jen: Well, you know what they say; “If you immediately know that the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.”

Zed: Ooh, that sounds like one of Tamamaki-coo’s proverbs… uh… what does it mean, exactly?

(beat)

Jen: This is the Ethereal Expanse, the gateway to the realms of the elements.

Zed: Uh… that’s not what I-

Jen: The Ethereal Expanse is home to more than just elemental creatures, though they do have some connection with the elements.

Zed: Okay, that’s ooh, shiny and all, but could you please answer my qu-

Jen: However, even non-elementals have an elemental attribute. In most cases, this attribute means nothing, but in some…

The symbol on Zed’s hand glows through his gauntlet.

Jen: …it can be much more important.

Zed stares at his glowing symbol.

Zed: Um… not to dampen the mood, Jenesteve, but I already know about this.

Jen stares at the mark, a puzzled expression on her face.

Jen: Well… how am I supposed to know what’s a spoiler and what isn’t with that HORSE-FISH looking over my metaphorical shoulder?

Zed: Oh, there’s no need to be paranoid… Erik’s the EPIC TOME of Private S.E.A.L.s!

Erik’s voice: It’s “EPITOME,” Zander! Eh. Pit. Oh. ME! … ME… Me… me…

Jen: See what I mean?

Zed: Silly Jenesteve! You don’t SEE sounds, you HEAR them! Silly Jenesteve, hahaha!

Erik’s voice: OH, ALRIGHT, FINE! I’LL STOP EAVESDROPPING! HAPPY?! … PEE… Pee… pee…

Jen: Hm… thank you kindly, Zeddy-chan.

Zed: Uh… you’re welcome…?

Jen giggles.

Zed’s thoughts: Heh… Erik said “peepeepee”…