How I’m feeling right now…

You're being abused?! 

@KeAfan7 Kinda, yeah… what sucks the most is I wasn’t aware it counted as abuse until a few years ago. That’s why it’s taken so long to reveal…

@OrionJZed I'll have lord Frieza sort that out for you if you'd like.

@"Golden Frieza" Aw… it’s sweet you’d do that for this wittle monkey whose Saiyan name is probably Onrin or somethin’.

(On the other hand, Lord Frieza is probably not one for “sweet” outside of DBZA, so… perhaps not? )

@OrionJZed As Universe 0's God of Destruction "in my fanfic..." I'll persuade him.

@Golden Freiza Woah! Bringing out the big guns, eh? Or just flipping the bird at Frieza which is either REALLY badass or REALLY dumb depending on your power level!

@Golden Freiza You write fanfics…?

I’m getting close to my breakpoint… not sure what else can be done to overcome this lifelong hurdle.

@OrionJZed Nice review lol.

I hope the joke made you feel better hehe lol.

@Aqua Cherry Blossom LMFAO!

@OrionJZed I don't know what to say buddy, but I hope things get better for you. I know what being verbally battered feels like and it's not fun.

Waitafronkinminute… why the Fronk didn’t the Fronkin’ server send a freshing notification?

Heheh… sorry for the late replies…

Aqua Cherry Blossom wrote: @OrionJZed Nice review lol.

I hope the joke made you feel better hehe lol.

Haha! I love running gags and in-jokes! Though you probably already know that, ‘cos my series are peppered with ‘em…

Inklein: Silly Author! You can’t put pepper on your sea-ries, because they’re in SAIBASPACE! Silly Author, hahaha!

KeAfan7 wrote: @Aqua Cherry Blossom LMFAO!

@OrionJZed I don't know what to say buddy, but I hope things get better for you. I know what being verbally battered feels like and it's not fun.

Things are gradually improving, and the abuser in question knows they’re on thin ice… and that I no longer tolerate their (or anyone else’s) toxicity and/or manipulative tactics.

If there’s one good thing outta decades of this crapbasket weaving, it’s that I’m aware of the signs, and thus able to ensure that no-one is forced to endure it in silence.

Part of my creative process is not only to entertain others, but to inspire them into (hopefully) finding their voice and inner calling, overcoming their personal doubts and demons, and realising the amazing person they truly are.

Haters gonna hate…
Doubters gotta doubt…
Ain’t no changin’ ‘dat…

So all’s left is to…

Be yo’ Mecha-Fronkin’ self! :mechafronk:

You got ‘dis!

This can’t go on any longer… I need to be far away from my abuser, considering tonight’s episode of emotional abuse…

@OrionJZed Oh no! Feel free to message me if you'd like to vent, I'm all ears.

Edit: What a typo!

@OrionJZed Remember the magic words. Nice review lol.

@KeAfan7 @OrionJZed Butt Mode activated apparently lol.

@OrionJZed @Aqua Cherry Blossom Fixed that extremely embarrassing typo, but hopefully you got a chuckle out of it haha!

@KeAfan7 @Aqua Cherry Blossom I appreciate the kind words (and lols, heehee); it’s just getting so draining after all these decades of… of… what I’d never wish upon anyone.

Well, another crucial thing about my past I didn’t know until today has come to light…

Turns out I didn’t pass my final year of high school.

I failed my exams, and no-one thought to tell me?  

Not even my own parents knew (apparently).

The Fr*nk even is the sitcom that is my life?!

(I’m so frickin’ confused right now… )

I copped another emotional uppercut (or, rather, lowercut) from my abuser last night… seriously, I feel like a Lv. 2 Caterpie inside Violet City Gym right now. That’s how bad things have gotten.

OrionJZed wrote:I copped another emotional uppercut (or, rather, lowercut) from my abuser last night… seriously, I feel like a Lv. 2 Caterpie inside Violet City Gym right now. That’s how bad things have gotten.

@OrionJZed Oh no buddy! What happened?

@KeAfan7 I’m so overwhelmed with being a mere afterthought in this family, and I have nowhere to go despite trying for five years to make the change…

I don’t want to face another rejection.

@OrionJZed

I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE ANYMORE!

Why is life always so needlessly, excessively, and unforgivably cruel to me? Why are others so quick to chastise, bully, or take advantage of me? And why do I keep finding renewed hope only for it to be snatched from me and stomped into the ground beneath my feet…?

Haven’t I been through enough already? What could I possibly have done to deserve such harsh treatment all these years? How can so many be so quick to point out my strengths, say what they like about me, and praise the work and commitment I do, yet somehow I’m still alone in this struggle to find a solid, long-term footing?

I may be resilient in the face of challenge, and there may be so much untapped potential ready to be forged into whatever my purpose in life is meant to be, but without the resources, the opportunities, and the camaraderie to see it all the way through, it’s a losing battle that no lone individual can achieve alone.

And at this point I’m well and truly spent, yet still the pressure to keep on keeping on is there, never yielding, never relenting, never allowing this burnt-out husk of a once-gifted soul a moment to rest, to be given the opportunity and freedom to soar, and to know the blessing of unconditional love and partnership.

I’m tired of the rug being pulled from under my feet, I’m tired of those I should be able to trust (teachers, peers, and family) being needlessly cruel and unfair, and I’m tired of gaining traction in my life only for some unseen hurdle to trip me up all over again.

I don’t want to drop everything, stop trying to succeed in life, and accept that I will never amount to anything as said by two teachers in the worst school years of my life, but if I’m still stuck after nearly 36 years of false starts, false hopes, and too many other falsehoods, then I may as well just drop everything and become a full-time hermit, because everything in my life has always been the opposite of what I need, and that cycle of unfairness and loveless abuse needs to be reversed if I’m to have any hope of fulfilment.

***
Thirty-six years in,
Waiting for life to begin,
Any day now… please?

Aww, I'm sorry things aren't going well for you. My life has been pretty atrocious as well lately, I hope there'll be good mojo coming your way soon buddy!

@KeAfan7 Likewise.

…no mojo.

@OrionJZed What's wrong Zed?

@KeAfan7 No good mojo…

@KeAfan7 I apologise for the waterworks… it’s tough having to bottle up my emotions and traumas all the time, and the pressure is really starting to get to me.

@OrionJZed I hope things get better for you soon

@KokorOtaku Appreciated.

I’ve set up an account with BetterHelp, so hopefully they can help with the emotional side of it.

KokorOtaku wrote:@OrionJZed I hope things get better for you soon

I second this! I hope your situation gets fresh, instead of being like a smelly Wario fart because of your abuser!

PS. Sorry for the terrible pun haha!

@KeAfan7 No need for an apology. I love puns!

Sorry for the lack of updates, been feeling pretty blah myself... @OrionJZed @KokorOtaku @Aqua Cherry Blossom @Golden Freiza .

@KeAfan7 Oh no! Are you alright?

@OrionJZed Not particularly...never thought someone in my life would chuck a heavy ass butter knife at my face...but here I am...

@KeAfan7 Dang.

EDIT: It took some effort, but I barely made it back…

ORIGINAL POST: Not even a week out of the country and already my parents’ absence shows just how ingrained in their lives I’d become…

Now I’m stranded interstate with no hope of getting back and no-one in my corner to help me out… I’ve never felt as alone as I do right now…

I’ve just realised that Crystals of Silveria was partly a subconscious venting of my deep desire to GTFO from my broken home life.

In a way, it helped me find the courage and strength to find my path, to really delve within and figure out what - and who - I truly want to be, and to never give up until success is achieved, then keep going onto the next one.

Who’da thunk a glorified Dungeons & Dragons fanfic derived from a dream would completely change my life in what’s turned mostly for the better?

Why did I not get notifications?! @TheGingerDoctor I'm glad you found your way back home buddy!

KeAfan7 wrote:Why did I not get notifications?!

I ‘unno… Mercury in retrograde, mayhaps?

LMAO!

FUN FACT: I had lion-themed avatars across all platforms this June.

Why? Because it was Pride Month!

Oh no! What's wrong Zack?

I’m not in a good place right now…

@RyanNerdyGamer I'm so sorry to hear that buddy.

I just… I’ve tried everything to make it work, to put my life back together, and I’m out of options… it’s a losing battle, and I don’t wanna fight…