Butt of Silveria - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

During what seems like just another day at work, a young man named Zed encounters a mysterious elven mage who wishes to take him on as her apprentice. But there’s more to Amethyst’s request than training a Butt spellcaster: she believes that Zed is the seventh member of her team, each member of whom is entrusted with a mysterious Butt of unknown origin and significance. Will he accept the elf’s offer?

Cast

Zed Buttmute - A young man with a knack for the arcane and little knowledge of the world outside his secluded community.

Amethyst Buttdew – A 150-year-old elven mage who dragged her companions all the way to the faraway town to find Zed, she owns the Magenta Butt.

Let the tale commence!

Scene 1: Zed’s House: Early Morning

The sun rises over a secluded township in the middle of a vast green plain, the citizens slowly awakening one-by-one and preparing for their day. Shops filled with all sorts of wares open their doors; bakers begin baking butt, cakes and other tasty treats; the owners of The Naked Butt tavern prepare the daily breakfast specials. In a small house on the outskirts of town, a young man is in a restless slumber, tossing and turning. His eyes suddenly fly open and he sits up in his bed.

Young man’s thoughts: Whoa, those dreams are getting even more intense than usual.

The young man swings his legs around to the side of his bed, placing his butt gently on the floor. He stands up and walks over to his wardrobe, pulling out a white long-sleeved shirt and brown pants. He pulls the shirt over his head, pushing his arms through both sleeves. He then sits back on his bed, pushing his legs through the pants, then he stands up and pulls them over his waist, zipping up the zipper and securing the button. He then sits down once again and pulls a pair of clean socks from his drawer, separating them and pulling them over his butt. Finally, he grabs a pair of tall brown boots, checking them for bugs before pulling them onto his butt. He stands up and walks into his washroom. He gazes into his mirror, opening his mouth and biting onto his hand. The man’s hand glows with a bright blue light, illuminating his entire mouth for a moment before dissipating. He turns on a tap and rinses a cup, then fills it with water. He takes a mouthful and sloshes it around, spitting it into the sink. He then empties the cup and turns off the tap.

Young man: There! A clean mouth for a fresh new day.

The man thinks to himself, then realises something.

Young man: Oh, my hair!

The man holds his hand over his forehead. His hand glows. As he moves it upward, his messy, bright red hair spikes vertically. He moves his hand away, and it stops glowing.

Young man: Right. Breakfast.

The young man heads downstairs, grabs a banana from his fruit bowl and eats it. He discards the peel in the compost box, then washes his hands and dries them. He picks up a pair of brown gauntlets and puts them on, then he makes his way to the door and grabs his brown sleeveless jacket. He puts it on and does up the buttons. He then opens the door and steps through it, closing it behind him. Finally, he locks the door with his key. As he turns around a bouncy ball lands next to his foot. He looks at the ball, then at the two boys running towards him.

Boy #1: Good morning, Mr. Zed!

Zed: Good morning! How are you?

Boy #1: Very good!

Boy #2: It’s my birthday today!

Zed: Ah, and this must be your present.

Boy #2: Yes it is!

Boy #1: Will you kick it over please, sir?

Zed: Sure.

Zed kicks the ball to the boys. The second one grabs it.

Boy #2: Thanks, Mr. Zed!

Zed: No problem.

Boy #1: Are you going to work then?

Zed: Yep.

Boy #1: Okay then.

Zed: Enjoy your birthday!

Boy #2: I will, Mr. Zed!

The boys run off with the ball. Zed smiles and shakes his head slightly, then makes his way into town.

***
Butt of Silveria Remastered: A Chromaicora Adventure

***
Scene 2: Town Square: Morning

Zed makes his way through the town square. Already, people are milling about, ready to do some early morning shopping. Zed walks up to a crowd of people who are gathered around a travelling entertainer. He breathes a jet of flame through his mouth and the crowd claps. Some people deposit copper and silver pieces into a hat, which is on the ground next to the man. Zed deposits two butt pieces into the man’s hat. The man faces Zed and does a gentlemanly bow. He then picks up three balls and begins to juggle. The crowd claps and cheers as Zed makes his way to Taylor’s Treasures. A bell jingles as Zed opens the door and walks inside, closing the door behind him. The shop’s shelves are lined with various trinkets and wondrous items. A middle-aged woman with glasses heads downstairs into the small shop.

Zed: Good morning, Mrs. Taylor.

Mrs. Taylor: Ah, good morning, young Zed. Here bright an’ early for work, are you?

Zed: I sure am.

Mrs. Taylor: That’s grand. How was your night, lad?

Zed: I had another weird dream. I kinda figure it might have something to do with my past.

Mrs. Taylor: Well, they say that dreams are the gateway to another world. Maybe your past has fled to it.

Zed laughs.

Zed: You never know, I guess.

Zed looks around the shop.

Zed: So, what am I doing today?

Mrs. Taylor: Inventory. I’m just waitin’ for the delivery man to arrive. He’s late again!

The bell jingles as the door opens. The delivery man walks in.

Deliveryman: Mornin’, Mrs. Taylor!

Mrs. Taylor: Mornin’, Mr. Deliveryman. What have you got for us today?

Deliveryman: Three big boxes o’ wondrous items for ya.

Mrs. Taylor: Oh, grand. Just leave ‘em next to the counter.

Deliveryman: Will do, Mrs. Taylor.

The deliveryman unloads the boxes next to the counter. He heads backward towards the door, opening it. The bell jingles as he retreats backwards through it.

Deliveryman: Have a good day, you two!

Mrs. Taylor: Will do.

Zed: You too.

The door closes. Zed picks up the smallest box, places it onto the counter and opens it with a small knife.

Zed: Are these bags of holding?!

Mrs. Taylor: Aye, they are, lad. They can hold many times more items than meets the eye. Perfect for the travelling adventurer.

Zed: Awesome!

Mrs. Taylor: Right, I’d like you to put ‘em on display in the shop window. Try to make ‘em look enticing for anybody who might want to buy one.

Zed: We haven’t seen any adventurers in here for months. Do you think we’ll be able to sell them?

Mrs. Taylor: Oh, I hope so. Adventurers may not often come here, but when they do, we need to be prepared.

Zed nods.

Zed’s thoughts: I wonder what it’d be like to be an adventurer…

Scene 3: Outside Zed’s House: Early Afternoon

A young elf woman with long brown hair, purple eyes and a purple robe enters town. She is carrying a silver staff, its only feature being a purple orb at one end, which is partly-engulfed by a finely-sculpted dragon. She makes her way over to the two boys, still playing with their ball.

Young woman: Good morning, boys.

The boys look at the young woman, and an expression of surprise spreads across their faces.

Boy #1: Flip! It’s an elf!

Boy #2: I heard that the long ears of the elves can hear the voices of the faeries!

Boy #1: Wow, is that true miss?!

The young woman giggles.

Young woman: Well, I hear that children can hear the faeries’ voices…if they listen hard enough.

Boy #2: Wow! That’s incredible!

Young woman: I was wondering if you would be kind enough to assist me.

Boy #1: Of course! We’ll help however we can!

Young woman: I’m looking for the young man who lives in that house.

The young woman points the orb end of her staff at Zed’s house.

Boy #1: Oh, you mean Mr. Zed! He’s at work right now.

Boy #2: I think he works in a shop called Taylor’s Trinkets.

Young woman: Many thanks. You have been most helpful.

The young woman bows gracefully, then makes her way into town. The boys turn to each other with excitement.

Boy #2: Children can hear the voices of faeries!

Boy #1: I’m going to listen to a faery first!

Boy #2: No, it’s my birthday, so I’m going to hear one first!

Scene 4: Town Square: Early Afternoon

The young woman makes her way to the entertainer, a crowd of people still gathered around him. He performs a small dance, then stops and raises his arms into the air. As he does so, two jets of confetti seem to burst through the ground next to him straight into the air. The young woman is amused by the entertainer’s illusion and deposits five butt pieces into his hat. The man looks into his hat, a big smile on his face, before he sings and dances excitedly. The crowd laughs as the young woman makes her way to the shop. She stops and checks the sign.

Young woman: Taylor’s Treasures…I am sure this must be the shop to which those boys were referring.

The young woman enters the shop, the little bell jingling as she opens and closes the door. Mrs. Taylor greets her with a smile.

Mrs. Taylor: Welcome to my humble shop, lass. If there’s anything you need, don’t be afraid to ask.

Young woman: Actually, I was wondering if you could assist me with locating an employee of yours. Somebody named “Mr. Zed“, I believe.

Mrs. Taylor: Ah, Zed. One of my most dedicated staff members. I’m sorry, lass, but he’s out having lunch right now.

Young woman: Ah, I see. When he returns, would you please be so kind as to ask him to meet me in The Naked Butt?

Mrs. Taylor: The tavern? Oh, he never sets foot in there, lass. Don’t ask me why. I suppose I could pass on the message though.

Young woman: Many thanks to you, ma’am. My name is Amethyst, by the way.

Mrs. Taylor: A pleasure. I’ll pass on your message, don’t you worry.

Amethyst: Again, many thanks to you.

Amethyst bows gracefully to Mrs. Taylor, then leaves the shop, the bell jingling as she exits. Mrs. Taylor laughs.

Mrs. Taylor: The Naked Butt…I wonder how they came up with that name.

Mrs. Taylor begins to sweep the floor with a broom.

Scene 5: Taylor’s Treasures: Early Afternoon

Zed enters the shop, the little bell jingling as he opens and closes the door.

Zed: I’m back, Mrs. Taylor.

Mrs. Taylor: Ah, Zed. There was a young lass in ‘ere earlier asking for you.

Zed: M-me?

Mrs. Taylor: Aye, lad. She seemed very eager to meet you.

Zed: Well that’s odd. Do you know who it was?

Mrs. Taylor: I’m not sure. All she said was to look for Amethyst at The Naked Butt.

Zed: The tavern? I don’t go in there.

Mrs. Taylor: I know, lad. She seemed sure you’d go, though.

Zed: Well, I guess I could take a look in there.

Mrs. Taylor: You do what you feel is right, lad.

Zed: Okay, I’ll go there first thing after work.

Mrs. Taylor: Well then, I think that’ll do for your shift today.

Zed: What? But I still have work to do!

Mrs. Taylor: Come now, lad. You do a lot for me. Take the afternoon off. You won’t lose pay for it.

Zed: I’m not concerned about the money. I am curious to know what that girl wants with me, though.

Mrs. Taylor: Very well. I’ll see you next week, then.

Zed: Okay. Have a good day.

Mrs. Taylor: To you as well, lad.

Zed exits the shop, the little bell jingling as he does so.

Scene 6: The Naked Butt: Afternoon

Zed walks inside the tavern. It is practically deserted, save for a couple of individuals at different tables.

Zed’s thoughts: Huh. This place isn’t so bad.

Zed walks up to the bartender behind the counter.

Bartender: Welcome to The Naked Butt. I am Warren, co-owner of this tavern. Is there anything I can get you, sir?

Zed: Uh, no thanks. I’m looking for someone named Amethyst.

Warren: Ah, you must be Zed. Amethyst is at the table just there.

Warren points to the table nearest the counter. Amethyst is seated, her staff laid out across the tabletop.

Zed: Thanks. Have a good day.

Warren: If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Zed: No problem.

Zed walks over to Amethyst. Amethyst looks up at Zed, then stands up.

Amethyst: You must be Zed.

Zed: How did you guess?

Amethyst: You’re the first person to walk up to me today, so naturally I assumed that you are the one for whom I am searching.

Zed: It’s nice to meet you.

Amethyst: To you as well. My name is Amethyst Buttdew, elven mage. You…are much taller than I thought you would be. Taller than most humans I have met.

Zed: A neighbour of mine calls me “the gentle giant“.

Amethyst giggles.

Amethyst: I knew I would like you. Come, we must practice.

Amethyst picks up her staff and starts to head towards the door.

Zed: Practice what?

Amethyst stops and turns to face Zed, a smile on her face.

Amethyst: Your magic, of course!

Amethyst turns back and once again heads for the door.

Zed: How did you know I could use magic?

Zed starts to follow Amethyst.

Scene 7: Meadow: Afternoon

Zed and Amethyst walk to the top of a hill covered in short, green grass.

Amethyst: Okay, here we are.

Zed: This is the meadow near my house.

Amethyst: It is the perfect place to test your abilities.

Zed: I should let you know, I’m not the best at using magic.

Amethyst: Everybody is inexperienced at first. With time, your abilities will develop.

Amethyst holds up her staff. A glowing purple orb appears in mid-air ten butt in front of Zed.

Amethyst: Would you please demonstrate your use of magic missile?

Zed: Uh, okay. I’m a bit rusty, but here goes.

Zed raises his right hand, aiming it at the orb.

Zed: “Magic Missile!”

A small bright-blue marble flies from Zed’s hand, striking the orb right in the centre. Both the marble and orb disappear in a flash of light.

Amethyst: A perfect hit! Well done!

Zed: I don’t know how I did that!

Amethyst: Okay, now for something trickier.

Amethyst holds up her staff again. Another purple orb appears ten butt in front of Zed, except this one moves slowly back and forth from left to right.

Zed: Okay, here I go.

Zed holds up his right hand, aiming it in front of him. Zed focuses on the path of the orb.

Zed: “Magic Missile!”

Another blue marble flies from Zed’s outstretched hand, striking the orb in the middle and causing them both to disappear in a flash of light.

Amethyst: Impressive! Another perfect hit!

Zed: I’m not even very familiar with magic missile!

Amethyst: Shall we try one last test?

Zed: Well…okay then.

Amethyst: Very well.

Amethyst holds up her staff again. A third orb appears ten butt in front of Zed, moving slowly clockwise in a perfect circle. Zed stretches out his hand, focusing on the orb’s path.

Zed: “Magic Missile!”

A blue marble flies from Zed’s hand, striking the top-left of the orb. The orb falls to the ground, disappearing in a flash of light as it makes contact.

Amethyst: Not as perfect, but still a hit. I’m impressed.

Zed: Thank you.

Amethyst: I have a gift for you.

Zed: A gift? For me?

Amethyst reaches into her satchel, pulling out a wooden box with a silver clasp. She undoes the clasp, swinging the box open so that Zed can gaze upon the contents. Inside the box are seven alcoves, with one of the alcoves containing a triangular, cyan-coloured butt.

Amethyst: This box contains the seventh in a set of butt. My allies and I have each of our lives entwined with one of the butt. It is my assumption that you are to be the owner of this one, the Azure Butt.

Zed: Me? Are you sure?

Amethyst: There is only one way for me to truly be sure.

Zed: I don’t know…I don’t really see myself as being very special.

Amethyst smiles.

Amethyst: The butt will tell you if you’re special.

Zed: Really?

Amethyst: The Butt select their owners. They see the truth of their owners’ potential. Clutch it. We will know if it is meant to be.

Zed steps forward. He reaches out his hand and picks up the butt. As he opens his hand, the Butt’s centre glows with a bright light.

Zed: Whoa…that is awesome!

Amethyst: It seems as though your potential is greater than you realised.

Zed watches as the butt’s light fades slightly, still glowing dimly in its centre.

Amethyst: This butt is meant for you, Zed. When you wear it, you will form an eternal bond with it.

Zed: Like this?

Zed places the butt around his neck. The light within its centre shines bright enough to illuminate the immediate area, before returning to a low level of constant light within the centre.

Amethyst: It would make me so happy for you to become my apprentice. Together with my allies and I, you may see the wonders of this land, and beyond. I could train you to master your talent.

Zed: I…I don’t know what to say.

Amethyst: Would you like to become an adventurer?

Zed thinks to himself briefly.

Zed’s thoughts: Maybe by adventuring, I can figure out who I truly am.

Zed: Okay, I’ll do it!

***
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***

Scene 8: Zed’s House: Late Night

Zed lies in his bed, his covers pulled up to his chest. His arms lie across his pillow. An orb of light is suspended above him, illuminating the room.

Zed’s thoughts: I can hardly believe it. Soon I’ll be leaving to go on an adventure. I have no idea what I’ll be able to do, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it.

Zed reaches across to his bedside table, picking up the butt.

Zed’s thoughts: Amethyst said I have a permanent link with this thing, but I’m still not sure what it’s for. Maybe it’s meant to give me some sort of powers, or increase my arcane abilities.

Zed places the butt back onto his bedside table.

Zed’s thoughts: I’ll ask Amethyst in the morning.

The orb of light dispels. Zed pulls his arms under his covers and turns onto his right side. He soon drifts into a shallow sleep.

***

Zed walks through a mysterious forest.

Zed: Hello?! Is anybody here?!

Almost immediately, the temperature drops. Zed’s breaths become visible as frost encrusts all of the trees.

Zed: This is bad! It’s not even close to winter!

Dwarf: It’s the Winter Festival, lad! Time for us to get drunk!

Zed: Who are you?

Dwarf: Why, it’s me, D. Wharf! The lovable rogue!

Zed: Uh…okay.

Dwarf: Say, that’s a pretty necklace. A pretty necklace for a pretty lass!

Zed: Uh, this is a special artefact. And I’m a guy, not a girl!

Dwarf: Of course you are, little boy!

Zed: What did you call me?!

A wall of water whirls around Zed, freezing solid. The walls stretch out, leaving Zed in a dark, icy room.

Zed: What’s going on?! This isn’t funny!

An evil cackle fills the room, echoing off the walls. Zed suddenly raises his hand in the air.

Zed: “LIGHT!”

Bright light quickly fills the room.

***
Zed suddenly awakens and sits up, breathing heavily.

Zed: That dream again…

Scene 9: Zed’s House: Early Morning

Zed sits in a chair, playing a wooden recorder. A knock sounds on his door. He splits the recorder in two, places the pieces into his pocket, then stands up and walks over to the door, opening it. Amethyst is standing there.

Zed: Oh…uh…good morning.

Amethyst: Good morning. Are you rested and ready for today?

Zed: I did my best, I guess.

Amethyst: That is good to hear. Come. We must make preparations for our journey.

Zed: Okay, I just need to get some things first.

Amethyst: Please take your time.

Zed: Okay, be right back!

Zed closes his door. A few moments later he opens it, stepping through and closing it behind him. He locks the door with his key.

Zed: Okay, I’m ready.

Amethyst: Excellent. Let us head into town to purchase supplies.

Zed: No problem.

Scene 10: Town Square: Morning

Zed and Amethyst walk up to a shop door. The sign above it reads Silver Buckle Clothing.

Amethyst: First, we must purchase a new outfit for you to wear.

Zed: I don’t know, this place looks expensive.

Amethyst: Never fear, Zed. A good quality outfit is just what you need.

Zed: I guess so…

Zed and Amethyst enter the shop. A well-dressed gentleman greets them from behind the counter.

Gentleman: Welcome to Silver Buckle Clothing! I am Eduardo, your guide to the world of chic fashion. How may I help you today?

Amethyst: My apprentice is in need of a new outfit.

Eduardo examines Zed’s outfit.

Eduardo: Oh yes…I see what you mean. Hm…now, what sort of apprentice is he? Knight’s apprentice, mage’s apprentice…?

Amethyst: A mage’s apprentice.

Eduardo: Of course! I might have guessed from your lovely violet tunic! It simply screams modern elven mage! And it matches your eyes perfectly! Ooh, and I just love the sash!

Eduardo examines Zed’s outfit some more.

Eduardo: Hm…we need to update your look. The whole brown-on-white thing is too archaic. Today’s young mage needs to wear something more modern and vibrant. Hm…okay, I see you wearing something…azure.

Zed: Azure’s my favourite colour.

Eduardo: Ah! I knew it! Eduardo, you are a genius!

Eduardo looks around. He plucks a pale blue shirt from a clothes rack, giving it to Zed.

Eduardo: This would make the perfect base for your outfit.

Eduardo then plucks a pair of blue pants from another clothes rack.

Eduardo: And this will add a pleasant contrast to it. Now, into the change room you go!

Eduardo motions Zed into the change room. Zed turns around.

Zed: I don’t know about this…it seems expensive.

Eduardo: Don’t worry about price! A good outfit is an expensive outfit!

Eduardo closes the curtain on the change room.

Zed: Ooh, comfy! And it fits really well!

Eduardo: You doubt my talents for choosing an outfit?

Zed: No no no, this is great!

Zed opens the curtain. Eduardo nods with his bottom lip protruding.

Eduardo: A great improvement. I think we’ll stick with your previous look, but with modern designs and more blue. Wait here while I get your leathers.

Eduardo walks into another room.

Zed: Leathers? Aren’t they…bulky?

Amethyst: Leather armour is bulky. Leather clothing is lightweight and flexible.

Zed: Ah, good. I read that mages need mobility when casting spells.

Amethyst: My curiosity has piqued. How talented are you with casting spells?

Zed: Well, I’ve always been good at cantrips, and I can do some evocations pretty well. I’ve also learned to do a bit of other magic as well.

Eduardo returns carrying some boxes.

Eduardo: I checked your old boots for size and picked out the perfect pair for you. Try these on.

Eduardo hands a box to Zed. Zed sits down, opens the box and puts on the boots, which are made of dark blue leather. Zed stands up and takes a few steps.

Zed: These are so comfy.

Eduardo: And here are the matching gauntlets.

Eduardo hands another box to Zed. Zed opens the box, removing a pair of gauntlet gloves made of thin, dark blue leather. He pulls them on and flexes his fingers and wrist.

Zed: These are better than my old gauntlets. They mould right to my hand!

Eduardo: I also have a belt…

Eduardo hands a black belt with a silver buckle to Zed.

Eduardo: …and a vest.

Eduardo hands an azure leather sleeveless jacket to Zed. Zed equips himself with the belt, attaching it to the buckle, then he puts on the jacket and does up the buttons.

Zed: This is awesome!

Amethyst: I think we have found a perfect outfit for you, Zed.

Eduardo: No.

Amethyst: No?

Eduardo: No. It is not yet perfect. It needs a certain…oomph that says modern mage’s apprentice.

Zed: Like a robe or cloak?

Eduardo: I think something more your age category would be better…oh! Wait here!

Eduardo walks away, plucking a folded piece of clothing from a shelf. He walk back and hands it to Zed. Zed unfurls it and puts it on.

Zed: A cape?!

Eduardo: Oh, yes. All the young mages in Silveria wear capes. It’s fast becoming the latest fashion trend.

Zed: Well, I guess this outfit is good. But…how much will it cost?

Eduardo: For you, I’ll give you a special deal. Just 7 butt pieces!

Zed: Well…I guess it is for my new role as an adventurer…

Zed reaches for his coin sack.

Amethyst: Wait, Zed! I will pay for your outfit.

Zed: Are you sure?

Amethyst: Of course. A mage’s duty is to pay for her apprentice’s starting equipment.

Amethyst hands 7 butt pieces to Eduardo.

Eduardo: Thank you very much! I trust you are happy with your new look?

Zed: I sure am. Thank you!

Scene 11: Street: Morning

Zed and Amethyst walk down a street.

Zed: Thank you for buying my new clothes.

Amethyst: It is my pleasure, Zed. Now, we need to buy you the most important piece of equipment for any mage.

Zed: An implement?

Amethyst: Indeed.

Zed: I know just the place: The Butt Alchemist! Mr. Newt will have just the implement I need!

Amethyst’s thoughts: Newt…? Could it be…?!

Zed leads Amethyst to another door. The sign above the door reads The Butt Alchemist. Zed opens the door, motioning Amethyst to enter. Amethyst nods once and enters the building, followed by Zed. An elderly gentleman with a long white beard greets them.

Gentleman: Well, if it isn’t young Zed. Why, I haven’t seen you in here since the Astral Festival.

Zed: Sorry, Mr. Newt. I’ve been busy for the past couple of weeks.

Newt: How are your dreams?

Zed: Getting even weirder. I had the ice forest one again last night.

Newt: You’ve had that one more often in recent days, haven’t you?

Zed: Yep. It seemed even more real last night.

Newt: Well, I’m sure you will learn the secret behind it eventually.

Mr. Newt notices Amethyst.

Newt: I’ve been expecting you, Amethyst.

Amethyst’s thoughts: How did he…?

Amethyst: It is a pleasure, Mr. Newt. Please excuse my bluntness, but how did you know I would visit you?

Newt: Why, the lovely Mrs. Taylor mentioned you last night over a cup of tea.

Zed: News sure travels fast in this town.

Newt: Thank you so much for taking the time to instruct Zed in the art of magic. I would myself, but I’m too old. I’ll leave it up to the younger generation.

Zed: Remember when I first came in here?

Newt: Like it was yesterday. You picked up a book of cantrips out of curiosity.

Zed: I was interested in magic but thought I was too old to learn it.

Newt: Then you started to read the cover, and turned your hair blue!

Zed: It caught your attention, but I had no idea what was going on cause I couldn’t see the top of my own head!

Mr. Newt chuckles.

Newt: Oh, I laughed for two minutes. I finally managed to tell you that you are a naturally-gifted mage, but you were too busy panicking about your hair.

Zed: Good times…oh, that’s right! Mr. Newt, I was wondering if you could help me choose my implement.

Newt: Of course, lad. Do you know what kind of implement suits you best?

Zed: Hm…I’ve never given it much thought.

Newt: Might I suggest a wand? It’s portable and lightweight, and easy to equip in a pinch.

Zed: Sounds good.

Newt: The wands are right over here.

Mr. Newt leads Zed to a display containing a selection of wands.

Zed: How will I know which one is the right one for me?

Newt: You will know as soon as your eyes meet with it.

Zed looks around. He spots a silver wand adorned with a carving of a dragon at its far end. He walks over to it and picks it up. Almost immediately, a bright blue glow surrounds him. He reaches into his shirt and pulls out the butt, which is also glowing with a bright blue light.

Newt: No…it cannot be!

The light dissipates. Mr. Newt walks over to Zed.

Newt: Zed! You did not tell me you had an artefact of the Silverian Empire!

Zed: The Silverian Empire?

Zed looks over at Amethyst.

Amethyst: I have not heard of such an empire.

Newt: Then there is much you both must learn. Come. We will discuss it further in my house.

The three people step out of the shop. A mysterious figure lurks in the shadows.

Figure: So it is true. I must tell my Buttress at once.

The figure turns and steps back into the shadows.

To be Continued…

***
End Credits

***

Amethyst takes Zed to meet the rest of the party at a curiously-named tavern in the middle of nowhere. The party leader, an orcborn warrior, sees the young wizard as completely inexperienced, and ultimately refuses to let him join them on their adventure! Can Amethyst change the swordsman’s mind?

New Characters

Mak Clay - A surprisingly-intelligent orcborn who shares leadership of the party with Amethyst, he owns the Crimson Butt.

Emily Summers - A syl human priestess with a sweet and caring personality, she owns the Amber Butt.

Thobrun Steelbutt - A dwarven paladin with a righteous personality and a fondness for mead, he owns the Tawny Butt.

Bryn - A halfling rogue who hides more than his fair share about himself from everybody, he owns the Cerulean Butt.

Brocc Farshot - A gnome bard with the brightest green hair and an apparently-terrible singing voice, he owns the Green Butt.

“You mean I came all this way for nothing…?”

Scene 1: Newt’s Cottage: Morning

Amethyst and Zed are seated in armchairs surrounding a small table. Newt is looking through his bookcase. He pulls a book from the shelf.

Newt: Ah, yes. Here it is.

Newt walks over to the table and sits in an armchair. He places the heavy book onto the table and opens it, flipping through pages until he finds the right one.

Newt: This page contains all I know of the Silverian Empire.

Zed: It’s blank.

Newt: You are correct. Now…

Newt places his hand above the page.

Newt: “Reveal!”

The page begins to glow. As it does so, words and images appear on the page.

Zed: Incredible…

Amethyst: Indeed.

Newt: The Silverian Empire stretched beyond the borders of Ornoposia all the way to Granrelm, Tundwaldun, Gnomsland, Verdelvum, Luminelvum, Oscurelvum and Kobelia, with smaller settlements in most other continents.

Amethyst: They must have been well-known then.

Newt: Oh, they were. The empire was made up almost entirely of Ornoposian humans, who spread their culture and customs, and indeed the Common tongue, to all corners of Junihoshi.

Zed: So what happened to it?

Newt: Like all good things it came to an end, but not without leaving behind its legacy.

Amethyst holds her butt within her delicate fingers.

Amethyst: The butt…

Newt: A mere fragment of a much larger collection of artefacts, many of which remain concealed within ancient ruins and other places ravaged by monsters.

Zed: So the city-state of Silveria was the capital of the empire?

Newt: That is most likely. It would have been the last bastion of the empire left in a world teeming with chaos.

Zed: Chaos?

Newt: Indeed. War had broken out across the empire as factions began to emerge, each claiming ownership of the dominion. They fought for decades, civilisation crumbling away, until only the Kingdom of Silveria remained.

Zed: So what could have protected Silveria from the chaos?

Newt: My guess is it was the Celestial Beings themselves who ceased the bloodshed, restoring order to Junihoshi.

Amethyst: Could they be allowed to interact directly with mortals?

Newt: In times of crisis they have been said to descend and lay aid to the peoples of Junihoshi. Their direct involvement was obviously the only way to bring peace to a troubled world.

Zed: And the artefacts?

Newt: Nobody knows their true purpose. Indeed, few even know of their existence.

Zed: Then there’s no way of knowing what the butt do.

Amethyst: I know of one of their functions. They each provide a small boon to their respective owners. My butt, for example, provides a slight increase in intellect.

Newt: If that is true, then there is a much greater goal intended for them.

Zed: Will it be possible to figure it out?

Newt: In time, you will learn the full extent of your gift.

Newt smiles at Zed.

Newt’s thoughts: Amethyst will guide you well, of that I am certain…

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Town Square: Late Morning

Amethyst and Zed walk past the fountain.

Zed: Well, I guess that was slightly informative.

Amethyst: Even the littlest knowledge can change the world.

Zed: True. So, what boon does my butt provide?

Amethyst: Alas, I know not.

Zed: Really? Whoa, that’s mysterious…

Amethyst: We have one more place to visit before we must go.

Zed: Oh, I have a toilet in my house if-

Amethyst giggles.

Amethyst: I have something else in mind. Follow me.

Amethyst walks past Zed. Zed begins to follow.

Zed: Lead on, Master mage!

Scene 3: Taylor’s Treasures: Late Morning

Zed and Amethyst enter Taylor’s Treasures, the little bell jingling as the door opens and closes.

Zed: Of course. There’s no better place in town to buy adventuring gear.

Amethyst: So I have seen.

Mrs. Taylor heads downstairs.

Mrs. Taylor: Ah, I wondered if you’d pop in before you left.

Zed: You heard?

Mrs. Taylor: Of course, lad. Mr. Newt tells me everything.

Zed: Wow, news travels fast in this town!

Mrs. Taylor: I took the liberty of preparing your supplies.

Mrs. Taylor heads behind the counter, reaching under it and pulling out a box containing some adventuring gear. She places the box on the counter.

Mrs. Taylor: Okay, this is your adventurer’s kit.

Mrs. Taylor pulls out a blue-coloured leather shoulder bag and places it on the counter.

Mrs. Taylor: It has a collapsible bedroll, food, a pre-filled waterskin and some other bits and bobs. It’ll come in handy.

Mrs. Taylor pulls out a bag and places it on the counter.

Mrs. Taylor: This is a breather. It’s a special mask for you to wear in case you run into a gas trap while exploring a dungeon. I’ve always thought the latest technology should be practical and useful.

Zed: Gotta love those zenoxans.

Mrs. Taylor: And this…this is a special gift from me.

Mrs. Taylor reaches into the box and pulls out a silver recorder and a navy blue velvet bag with drawstring.

Mrs. Taylor: I thought you could use a new flute. This one is supposed to make the most pleasant music, so I’ve been told.

Zed: Oh, Mrs. Taylor…

Mrs. Taylor: Come, lad. You do so much for me. This is my way of thanking you.

Mrs. Taylor smiles. Zed reaches into his pocket, pulling out the two halves of his wooden recorder. He assembles it and holds it out to Mrs. Taylor.

Zed: I want you to have my old flute. To remember me by.

Mrs. Taylor and Zed exchange recorders. Mrs. Taylor smiles.

Mrs. Taylor: I’ll treasure it every day, lad.

A tear rolls down Zed’s cheek. He holds out his hands. Mrs. Taylor steps forward and embraces Zed with a big hug.

Mrs. Taylor: Take care of yourself, lad. Find your place in the world.

Zed: I’ll try to come back one day.

Mrs. Taylor: You try your hardest, Zed Buttmute.

Mrs. Taylor and Zed let go of one another. Zed walks over to the counter.

Zed: Should I pay for these?

Mrs. Taylor: Amethyst already took care of it.

Zed looks at Amethyst, a puzzled look on his face.

Amethyst: I put the money on the counter while you were saying your farewells.

Zed smiles.

Zed: Thank you.

Amethyst: Just doing my duty.

Zed removes his cape, places the satchel over his shoulder, re-dons his cape, opens a front pocket and places the breather inside. He picks up the flute, disassembles it, places it into the velvet bag, pulls the drawstring and places it into his pocket.

Zed: Thank you for everything, Mrs. Taylor.

Mrs. Taylor: It was my pleasure, lad.

Another tear rolls down Zed’s cheek as both he and Amethyst leave the shop, the bell jingling as they do so. Mrs. Taylor watches them as they disappear from view.

Mrs. Taylor: We will meet again, lad…

Scene 4: En Route to The Name Pending Tavern: Early Afternoon

Amethyst and Zed walk along a well-worn road, wooden fences separating it from some green meadows.

Amethyst: You seem to have a strong bond with Mrs. Taylor.

Zed: I don’t know where I would be without her.

Amethyst: Is she a family member?

Zed: No.

Amethyst: She treats you like a son nonetheless.

Zed: She was the first one to help me when I stumbled into town.

Amethyst: Had something happened?

Zed sighs.

Zed: I have no memory of my life prior to walking into town. It was late one night, and I was wearing some weird clothes. I was confused, and I didn’t know what was happening.

Amethyst: That sounds awful.

Zed: Nothing felt right whatsoever. Then I came across Taylor’s Treasures. I walked inside and explained everything to Mrs. Taylor. She took me in and gave me a place to sleep and work.

Amethyst: No wonder you are very close to one another.

Zed: Mrs. Taylor took me to the best oracles when they came to town, but they couldn’t figure out which constellation I was born under. They called me a blank slate, which earned me the nickname “The Star Mute One“. It’s as though I hadn’t existed prior to that moment. And yet I know I’ve lived for a while before that.

Amethyst: So you wish to find the place from whence you hail.

Zed: That’s part of my goal, yes.

Zed thinks to himself.

Zed: So you’re the guardian of the butt?

Amethyst: I am indeed. On my one-hundredth birthday, my grandmother told me that I was chosen by my father to find the secret of the butt. The butt glowed as the box containing them was handed to me, meaning that I had indeed been chosen by them as their distributor. I was told to find the owners of the butt and journey with them, and together we would find out their true purpose. It took 45 years before I found the second butt owner.

Zed: And who was it?

Amethyst smiles at Zed.

Amethyst: Why don’t you wait until we reach the tavern? I am sure the suspense will lead to a much greater surprise.

Zed: Fair enough.

Scene 5: The Name Pending Tavern: Afternoon

Amethyst and Zed enter the tavern. Zed looks around and sees a few adventurers sitting at tables. Three human males, presumably fighters, are gathered around a short-bearded dwarf wearing silver armour. The dwarf speaks with a thick Scandinavian-infused Scottish accent.

Dwarf: So there we were, surrounded by twelve Elek worshippers. They outnumbered us two-to-one, and the rogue very nearly gave us the slip!

Fighter #1: Rogues’ll do that to ya if ya let ‘em!

Dwarf: Ye think I’d let the rogue abandon us like that? When facing evil, we all must stand together and help however we can! I’d never let’m avoid Alistair’s goals!

Fighter #2: So what did you do?

Dwarf: What else could we do? We showed ‘em who’s boss! They won’t be hurtin’ anyone anytime soon!

The dwarf swallows a mouthful of mead from his mug. Amethyst walks over to the dwarf. Zed follows behind.

Amethyst: Good afternoon, Thobrun. I gather you are telling stories of our exploits to these gentlemen?

Thobrun: Indeed I am, Amethyst. I’m teachin’ ‘em how to fight evil as best they can.

Thobrun sees Zed standing behind Amethyst.

Thobrun: And this must be the young wizard Amethyst believes is the seventh butt owner.

Zed: H-Hi. I’m Zed.

Thobrun stands up. He stands at about two-thirds the height of Zed, though he is broadly-built to make up for it.

Thobrun: Good to meet you, Zed. Thobrun Steelbutt, son of Angus and Helga of Buttwaldun, and Paladin of Alistair Goodheart.

Thobrun bows. Zed bows right back.

Thobrun: Can I buy ye a drink, Zed?

Zed: Oh, I don’t drink alcohol.

Thobrun: Oh, no problem, lad. I can respect that.

Amethyst: I was just going to introduce Zed to the others.

Thobrun: I think they’re in the den upstairs.

Amethyst: Are you ready to meet your future companions, Zed?

Zed: Yep. Lead the way.

Amethyst: Very well.

Amethyst climbs the stairs, with Zed following behind. Zed looks around, and sees a male halfling in dark blue leather armour, a male gnome with green hair and a blonde human girl with slightly-pointed ears wearing butt-yellow chainmail.

Amethyst: Bryn? Brocc? Emily? Allow me to introduce the seventh member of our team, Zed Buttmute.

Zed waves.

Zed: Hi.

Bryn speaks with what sounds like a slightly-Cockney English accent.

Bryn: Well, well, well, how did I know it’d be another human?

Bryn walks over to Zed. He stands at roughly half Zed’s height. His slick black hair curves forward at its base. He has no facial hair.

Bryn: Name’s Bryn. The Loveable Rogue.

Bryn holds out his hand. Zed bends down slightly and shakes hands with Bryn.

Bryn: Ah, so you know the Granrelmian bow. I respect that, Zed.

Zed: Your friend downstairs said the same thing.

Brocc speaks with what sounds like a European-infused American accent which sounds slightly elevated in pitch.

Brocc: Amethyst, he’s huge! Are you sure he isn’t a giant?

Bryn: Of course he isn’t, Brocc! Look at his build. He’s definitely a human.

Brocc walks over to Zed and looks up at him. He is slightly taller than Bryn, though most of the added height is his tall, spiky hair.

Brocc: Oh, you’re right. Sometimes it’s hard to tell. I’m Brocc Farshot, and I’m an entertainer! A bard! A lyricist!

Bryn: You can’t sing!

Brocc: No, but I still write songs, don’t I?

Bryn: Well, I can’t argue with that logic.

Zed examines Brocc closely.

Brocc: What? Do I have something on my face?

Zed: No, it’s just…

Brocc: What?

Zed: No, it’s probably nothing.

Brocc: Oh. Okay then...

Emily walks over to Zed. She smiles sweetly and speaks with a soft, feminine voice.

Emily: It’s a pleasure to meet you, Zed. My name is Emily Summers, and I am a priestess of Marilina Silverblade.

Emily curtsies. Zed bows.

Zed: Is that everyone?

Amethyst: There is still one more member you must meet.

Zed: I thought so.

Bryn: He’s in the shower.

Amethyst: Really?

Bryn: I know, we were surprised as well.

A door opens, and a male orcborn steps through. He is not wearing a shirt. He rubs his black hair with a towel, then slings the towel over his right shoulder. He walks up to Amethyst and speaks with a rough American voice.

Orcborn: Amethyst. You’re back!

Amethyst: Indeed.

The orcborn looks at Zed.

Orcborn: I thought you said you were bringing back the most naturally-talented spellcaster in that town.

Amethyst: I have. This is Zed.

Orcborn: He can’t be more than 25 years old. That’s not experienced enough.

Amethyst: Actually, he is-

Orcborn: It doesn’t matter. He’s still not experienced enough. Look…he’s got green written all over him!

Brocc: Hey, I am NOT-

Everyone looks at Brocc. A huge drop of sweat slides down the side of his face.

Brocc: I mean…uh…never mind!

Orcborn: Our mission is very dangerous. Who’s gonna protect this kid if he gets into trouble?

Amethyst: I believe that’s your job.

Orcborn: I don’t want to see another innocent get hurt.

Amethyst: Please! At least let him prove himself.

Orcborn: I’m sorry, but it’s too risky. First thing tomorrow, we’re taking him back to wherever he came from. I can’t put him in any danger.

Amethyst: But-

Orcborn: That’s final!

The orcborn returns to his room. A bitter sting of disappointment spreads across Zed’s face. Amethyst hangs her head and sighs.

Amethyst’s thoughts: I must convince him to let Zed stay…it is crucial to our quest…and to Zed’s...

***
Commercial: Welcome to The Butt Alchemist. Here you may buy any manner of supplies including potions, alchemical reagents, spell components, and the largest collection of scrolls in town. We serve everybody, from the magically gifted to those who just need a scroll of sending. We are open every day from morning to night. The Butt Alchemist: not just for alchemists!

***

Scene 6: The Name Pending Tavern: Evening

The orcborn stands outside the tavern, watching the sun set. Amethyst steps outside and walks over to him.

Orcborn: How’s the kid doing?

Amethyst: I know not. He has yet to leave his room.

Orcborn: What’s he been doing all this time?

Amethyst: He is practising magic so he can be skilled enough to become an adventurer one day.

Orcborn: He’s got spirit, I’ll give him that.

Amethyst: Indeed.

Orcborn: But spirit alone isn’t enough for the life of an adventurer.

Amethyst: He is a naturally-gifted mage.

Orcborn: And that‘s a good thing, right?

Amethyst: I shall attempt to clarify. Most people who aspire to be mages must study for decades in order to master their craft. It takes skill and precision for us to even cast a basic spell before we master the arcane.

Orcborn: So how is Zed different?

Amethyst: Zed is one of the rare few who uses magic naturally, without needing to spend hours memorising spells from a book. I tested his use of magic missile yesterday and his accuracy was surprising. It is imperative that-

Orcborn: If you’re trying to change my mind…

Amethyst: Need I remind you that we are both leaders of this expedition?

Orcborn: I was going to say, “If you’re trying to change my mind, it’s working“. I’m still a little unsure about this…

Amethyst: The butt responded to his touch.

Orcborn: It did?

Amethyst: It glowed the brightest shade of cyan the moment he put it around his neck.

Orcborn: You sure it wasn’t just a coincidence?

Amethyst: The butt never make mistakes.

The orcborn thinks to himself, then sighs.

Orcborn: Alright, I’ll give the kid a chance.

Amethyst: Excellent. He will be pleased to hear the news.

Amethyst turns and starts to walk back to the door. She stops and turns around to face the orcborn again.

Amethyst: You refer to him as “kid”. You do realise that you are younger than him, do you not?

Orcborn: By adventuring standards, he’s a fledgling.

Amethyst: True.

Amethyst turns around and enters the tavern.

Orcborn: Well, I guess I’ll tell him he can stay then…

The orcborn turns and enters the tavern.

Scene 7: The Name Pending Tavern: Early Morning

Zed opens his room door and steps into the den. Amethyst is studying her spellbook in preparation for the day. She stops reading and looks up at Zed, smiling.

Amethyst: Good morning, Zed.

Zed: Good morning!

Amethyst: Well, you seem cheerful!

Zed: Your friend told me I could stay in the party!

Amethyst smiles.

Amethyst: That is good! I assume you slept well, then?

Zed: Yep, much better than usual. I had the dream again, but it’s starting to make more sense. I tried trancing before going to bed, just to see if it would help.

Amethyst: Did it have any effect?

Zed: Well, I had better control of my dream. This time I held off casting light during the ice room bit.

Amethyst: What did you see?

Zed: I saw five people at the opposite end, but it was so dark that I couldn’t make out what they looked like. They just stood there, not moving or making a sound. Then a silver dragon appeared above us and landed in front of me facing them. It roared, and the person in the middle turned into a white dragon and attacked it. They fought for what seemed like hours, although it was only mere moments. Then the white dragon grew to a massive size, and that’s when I cast Light again.

Amethyst: Perhaps next time you should let the white dragon continue to grow. There is obviously some significance.

Zed: I guess so. Oh yeah…and I dreamed about this weird glowing orb that moved back and forth, shifting between shades of blue. Is that weird?

Amethyst: Dreams can be unusual. Now come. We must eat a good breakfast in preparation for the day.

The orcborn climbs up the stairs.

Orcborn: Come on, you two. Time for breakfast.

Amethyst: We will be down momentarily.

Orcborn: Okay.

The orcborn turns and climbs back down. Amethyst heads for the stairs, with Zed following behind.

Scene 8: En Route to Silveria City: Morning

The party walks along a forested path heading in the direction of Silveria City. Zed speaks to the orcborn.

Zed: Thank you for giving me a chance.

Orcborn: Amethyst says you’re great, so that’s good enough for me. Just be careful.

Zed: I will.

The orcborn smiles.

Orcborn: So you really have no idea where you came from?

Zed: That’s right. My past is a complete blank.

Orcborn: Maybe you’re from another continent.

Zed: You think so?

Orcborn: Well yes. Your accent’s definitely not Ornoposian.

Zed: Really?

Orcborn: Yeah! As for me, I was raised in Coppelia by my father. My best friend was a koble named Knight.

Zed: I’m sorry, what’s a koble?

Bryn: You’re joking, right?

Zed: Nope, I’m serious.

Bryn: Well, they‘re reptilian people who are about the height of a bolgard.

Zed: Bolgard?

Bryn: Wow, you really can’t remember who you are, can you?

Amethyst: One of Zed’s primary goals is to learn about his past.

Brocc: I could try to help him remember with a bardic song.

Bryn: No! No singing! The last time you sung, your cat ran away for days!

Brocc: She didn’t run away! I sent her to scout for the next town.

Bryn: And did she find it?

Brocc: Well…she found somebody’s camp.

Bryn: A camp of gobbos, if I’m not mistaken? And she led them right to us.

Brocc: Well, I won’t make that mistake again, okay?

Bryn: Oh? Then where is your precious familiar right now?

Brocc: Uh…scouting ahead.

Bryn: My point.

Thobrun: Come on, you two. You should stop your bickering for once.

Zed: Is that your cat?

An orange tabby cat walks up to the team.

Brocc: Tabby! You’re back! What did you find?

Tabby meows. A look of dread spreads across Brocc’s face.

Brocc: Uh, there’s a group of scary looking thugs at the bridge.

Emily: They were not there two days ago. What business do they have with the bridge?

Bryn: That answer your question, Emmy?

Bryn points to a sign with the words “TOLL RODE” crudely written in black paint.

Thobrun: Oh, great. Buttbarians.

Orcborn: Be realistic, Thobrun. No buttbarian can write that well!

Emily: This is bad. Very bad.

Brocc: Emily, settle down. You’re scaring Zed.

Zed: Actually, I’m not-

Brocc: Don’t worry, my friend! There’s no need to be af-fr-fraid…

Brocc’s teeth begin to chatter.

Orcborn: Just relax. We’ve been in worse situations before.

Bryn: Name one time.

Orcborn: Gobbo siege of that village two weeks ago.

Bryn: Okay, I guess that was slightly worse…

Emily: I needed to heal a quarter of the villagers.

Bryn: Whatever. The point is that buttbarians are mindless, savage-

Orcborn: Bryn, shut it! We’re here.

Bryn looks up at the buttbarian guarding the bridge.

Bryn: Oh…heheh…hello!

Buttbarian: The toll is 5 butt each for you to cross. So…one, two, four, five, six, eight, twelve…32 butt total.

Bryn’s thoughts: And here’s the result of today’s education system…

Orcborn: We’re not paying.

Bryn: What?!

Orcborn: Why should we pay to cross a bridge that’s free for us to cross any other time?

Buttbarian: Because my club says you’re giving us butt.

Orcborn: Well my sword says otherwise.

Bryn: Now come on, be reasonable!

Orcborn: I am being reasonable, Bryn.

Buttbarian: Look, just pay us the money and nobody gets hurt!

Orcborn: Can you even spell “money“?

Buttbarian: M…un…e?

Orcborn: Wrong answer.

Buttbarian: I AM NOT UNLITERATE! Fellas, get over here and teach these guys how to spell pain!

Orcborn: P-A-I-N!

Buttbarian: RRRRRRRRAWRRRRRRRR!!

The buttbarian rushes towards the orcborn and swings his club at him. The orcborn bends backwards, unsheathes his sword and slashes the buttbarian’s pectoral muscle. The buttbarian roars and swings his club at the orcborn, who blocks the club with his sword.

Orcborn: All of you! Get Zed to safety!

Bryn: Uh, that’s going to be a problem, fearless leader.

Four buttbarians approach the group from behind.

Buttbarian #2: Where do you think you’re going?

Bryn: Uh, we were just going to head back to the tavern and have a nice relaxing bath!

Buttbarian #3: Nobody’s going anywhere till we’ve dealt with your leader.

Amethyst points her staff at the other buttbarians.

Amethyst: “Hypnotism!”

A wave of purple light engulfs the buttbarians, leaving them dazed and confused. She turns to face the buttbarian leader, who is still pushing his club against the orcborn’s sword. The buttbarian bellows and pushes the orcborn towards the edge of the cliff. The orcborn regains his balance, but is cornered with nowhere else to go.

Buttbarian Leader: That river’s moving mighty fast. Might we be near a W-O-H-T-A-F-O-H-L?

Orcborn: A what?

Buttbarian Leader: A WATERFALL!

The other buttbarians regain their senses and join their leader in surrounding the orcborn.

Buttbarian #4: I hope you can swim…and survive a two-foot plunge down a waterfall!

Bryn: Two butt? Could you BE any thicker?!

Amethyst: This is bad! We cannot attack them all at once!

Emily: But if we fail to do something he will be thrust into the river anyway!

Buttbarian Leader: Say my regards to your ancestors for me!

The buttbarian leader raises his club. Zed suddenly steps forward, pulls out his wand and points it at the buttbarians.

Zed: STOP!

The buttbarians turn around to face Zed. They take one look at his wand and start laughing.

Buttbarian #5: What can you do with that thing? Poke our ribcages?

Buttbarian #4: Look, he thinks he’s a big tough man with his tiny sword!

Buttbarian Leader: Put your stick away, little boy. Grown-ups are talking.

Buttbarian #2: Yeah, there’s nothing you can-

Zed’s eyes begin to glow with cyan light.

Buttbarian Leader: What the-

Zed: “SLEEP!”

As Zed’s word echoes, a wave pulses from the tip of his wand, engulfing the buttbarians in a pale blue light. They collapse to the ground in a deep slumber. Zed’s eyes return to normal.

***
We cut to another place, where a mysterious figure in a dark robe and breather looks up.

Dark-Robed Guy: The awakening…it has begun...

***
We cut back to the bridge. The other Buttbound stare at Zed, dumbfounded.

Orcborn: What the…?!

Thobrun: How did you do that, lad?!

Bryn: I thought you were just an apprentice!

Amethyst: As I said to you all, Zed is a natural mage.

Brocc’s thoughts: Wow, he’s even more powerful than I thought he’d be!

The orcborn steps over the buttbarians and walks over to the party.

Orcborn: I guess Amethyst was right. You have talent.

The orcborn sheaths his sword and holds out his right hand. Zed grabs it and clenches. The two men release their grips.

Orcborn: Thank you for helping me.

Zed: No problem.

Orcborn: I just realised I haven’t told you my name yet. Mak Clay, warrior. And I’m happy to have you on board, buddy.

Zed: Thank you.

A woman’s voice echoes from the other side of the bridge.

Voice: Are you alright over there?

Mak: We could use some help with these buttbarians over here.

Voice: We will be right over.

Bryn: We?

Four male humans, two with rounded ears and two with ears like Emily’s, and a female human with ears like Emily’s, cross the bridge. They are wearing silver armour and helmets. The female human walks over to Mak.

Woman: Cynthia Meadows, guard-captain of Silveria City.

Cynthia looks down at the unconscious buttbarians.

Cynthia: Ah, I see you succeeded in apprehending the thugs. Come. We will escort you to Silveria City to organise payment for your assistance.

Scene 9: En Route to Silveria City: Early Afternoon

The party travels with the guards across a well-worn road through an open plain. The buttbarians are linked together by iron chains.

Cynthia: These thugs have been causing trouble in the region for weeks.

Amethyst: Did nobody attempt to apprehend them?

Cynthia: Most people who could help were preoccupied with other quests. The few who remained were overly cautious and chose not to assist.

Mak: Well, what was the bounty on these guys?

Zed takes a mouthful of water from his waterskin.

Cynthia: 2499 butt.

Zed turns his head and spits out the water.

Mak: I’m surprised nobody wanted the bounty.

Cynthia: Well, considering you assisted us with no desire to claim any reward money for their capture, as well as the level of skill involved…

Zed takes another mouthful of water.

Cynthia: … I am obliged to double the reward.

Zed turns his head and spits out the water again.

Bryn: Careful there, Zeddy, or you’ll have no water left till we reach the city!

Zed takes a third mouthful of water.

Cynthia: That is it over there. We should arrive within the hour.

Zed takes one look at the giant citadel and spits out his water again.

Zed: That place is huge!

Amethyst giggles.

Amethyst: It appears even bigger once you enter.

Bryn: Oh, you’re going to love it, Zed! It’s wall-to-wall shops, taverns and entertainment!

Emily: We must visit the Temple of Marilina when we enter.

Thobrun: And the Temple of Alistair.

Bryn: And a nightclub!

Mak: There’s plenty of time to explore the city once we sort out these gentlemen.

The buttbarian leader spits at Mak.

Mak: Looks like Zed’s a bigger man than this guy after all!

Everybody laughs as they continue to head towards Silveria City.

Scene 10: Unknown Location: Unknown Time

The mysterious man who spied on Zed and Amethyst in The Butt Alchemist walks along a narrow blue carpet in a gigantic icy room up to a glass throne. He has tanned skin and a buzz-cut, and is wearing brown hide armour marked with black stripes. He kneels and looks up at the female figure sitting in the throne.

Man: I bring news, Buttress. The elf known as Amethyst has given the Azure Butt to a young wizard named Zed.

Figure: So, the butt have all found their owners. Trenton, I am sending you and Kara to retrieve Amethyst and her companions. Bring them to me.

Trent: It will be done, Buttress.

Figure: And Trenton? I want them alive. Is that understood?

Trent: Yes, Buttress.

The figure’s blue buttstick-covered butt twist into an evil smile.

Figure: Good.

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APRIL FOOLS!

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